Embarrassment

Twenty one years of pain decentered at once

Moment of embarrassment comes to sense

Where a walk with me makes her plea ruthlessness

Where a talk with me is subjected to an end,

Looking up to the clear sky with black poles in front

Every greenery , the lashing thunders , fuzzy water and quick painful heavy heart gives the vibe of her yellow dress 

Every show down to the lanes of jehlum 

Define the melancholy of the whiskey crow 

Every sound and empty waves makes his soul throw,

Life is a justice to which lord speaks 

Seeing her after years of distance and endless painful flow,

Wasn’t he good all those years yelling his empty soul

Just three months of silence gave them no space in lifeful bowl,

The brawl of his scream and her ego 

Defined to the end of that hero,

Would you return if I die , lips move

Where will I find you if he has no shoe

Give me a chance I beg you 

Smoke was what killed him not the fire.

Up in flames of the indefinable pain comes again

Empty heart , lifeless soul and drenched life is all what is left in his drier.

Kingdom

It was for the first time I was caught under the actions of my own developed situations. The more I wanted to turn for myself something tragic happened and it kept on making things worst for my own self.

Remembrance from the time I was born ,anger has always lashed my soul and cutted it into two, making it more painful after every day.

I remember faces , with fake smiles living under the shade of their own pain given by the fate, 

For starters it was my family, then to the people affiliated with me. Everyone strived their own throne. With which they have lived for year ,yet knowing it bleeds and continuously bleeds till they die.

I was brought up in an environment where there were no angels and devils , just child with lots of anger.

Its not wrong to call someone mad or insane , either they made themselves like that to safe gaurd from the external forces that kept on breaking them or either they begged for love and affection that they missed.

Every walk usually defines how much heart broken you are to be, because in case if we fall we know how to get back. But yet there are situations where you can’t get back or you have to crawl to undetermined streets to find yourself.

Talking about “Kingdom”

Every one should ought to have a kingdom, of their own solance or agony or pain or happiness.

Yet we can’t be calm as again it is disturbing for our heart to look for the pain that bursts off thought our chest making a hole, that actually doesn’t heal , it keeps on bleeding.

What measures do we precure in forgiving someone knowing the other side has love to offer.

Simple sail in lashing storms are usually dangerous but very much intense too.

Ending up 

” let the remorse of forgiveness kept close to chest

Get a chisel and bug down the pain

Mould it ,till we scream 

And if we bleed ,it’s just because we feel

Storms of lashing pain will end 

But long will take sculptor to give us dent

Take those flaws and come to me

Because you are the one with whom my soul wants to be”

Intiha

Zar si kitaab ko manga humnai fazal hone ke liyai

Un lamho ko buland karne ke liyai,

Intiha hogayi mere pyaar ka dedaar kiyai huwe

Sar  zameem lal hogayi unko apnane ke liyai,

Dukh-e-zindagi hai mujhai 

Par asrar’e maut ki ijazat no hopayi tujhse mere liyai,

Dhoodta reh jawuga mai tujhai

Us aal-me-arwah mai

Jahan zindagi tere naam se bedaar ki Maine,

Kaise reh paya  hai Adam us hawa ke bagair

Khalood hai Adam ka pyar sajde mai royai huwe,

Kabil hai tu mujhai dard ka ehsaas karane ke liyai

Ab aur nahi saha  jata is parwarish me soyai huwe.

Khudaya

Ghar ke  dar se darbadar hogayai ye kadam

Ek Zara si  zindagi mai is qadar sitam

O khudaya

Gin raha Ho ungliyo pe apna har gunnah

Keh raha ho tujhai se mai ,sun raha hai na

O khudaya

Jaane kis baat ki mili ,mili mujhai sazza

Bata meri  khata,

O khudaya

Nikal ja rahe hai sahare

Koi roke , koi pukare

Kis  kahani ka qirdar ho mai

Jeet  paawu na woh haar ho mai

Dua ki kirchiya ,ho chun  raha 

Bata meri  khata 

O khudaya 

Kaise chaain  mili us dil ko

Ashiq ki zindagi jab ho fanain mai

Awaaz kharaaj jati hai is dil mai

Un  ashqo ka Kaise hisaab du mai

Har  ankh kardi  thi Maine nam

Apni maut pe na karu mai gum

O khudaya

Ek he asmaan hai uska aur mera 

Kaise karu mai kabil  apne aap ko , us ke liyai Jo hai tera

Qayamat me roz mil Jana mujh se 

Mai karu apne hasti tere liyai barham

O khudaya

Diwaar muskura rahi hai , mujhai dekh ke 

Asmaan ro  raha hai meri halat ko sabeel karke

Phat pada hai is dil , ka rasta 

Koun ab fir se is mohabbat ki wakalat kare 

Haar chuka ho , apni zindagi 

Sirf uski jeet ke liyai

O khudaya 

4.00 am

Thoughts are quizzed at times,just before you try to let go things you wanna come back hitting hard at yourself remembering every single move you made in past has actually broke people without even justifications. 

What have you made out of yourself other than,anger and unanswered questions.

Life is a circle that keeps on coming back, so is this heaviness on heart or what we call pain.

Today I let her go to the extend of her variation, assuming I am forgotten and left in forgiveness.

Is it so that everything in this life spam comes with a lesson to lessen out burden of actuality.

Well, journey of undefined loneliness has already departed ,A Mask man she used to say.

Quoting Quranic verse of Surah Asr ;

” Asr , In’al Insaan’a La’fi Khus’re”

No doubt mankind is in vain, yet we had already being projected of our miseries. 

Chained Never told.

Chapter is closed

Ultimately the blood filled page thrives for empty pen

Well this time he wasn’t killed by a gun,

Every following shadow left alone because everyday sun has to set

Followed by the moon night lasts with her own shades of breath,

She stands tall with her words that chapter had to go

Throwing a question of hating him and there is nothing left to show,

Questioning that every pain he had given to her

Oh my queen of angels everything in his life is one eyed blur,

What not he has listened from past to shun the fun

How much he is hurt ,because scar has engraved on his fur,

Nothing was done intentionally

How would you justify that to soul of sword,

She was a fighter , gutted down to the smile of pains

Let her go , even the chapter is closed because she can’t be chained.

(Contradiction)

Kashmir

Well its not the same as usual , its more negative and more fugitive.

Maybe I am came back negative but the environment the resistance , the rebellion act of cowardice to unsaturated question of my life to untormented business of family.

Its exactky the same when I left as person where resistance was born, where I wanted everything to burn.

Being a kashmiri has not been easy, knowing half of the people you know are already jailed for something called as “INTIFADA”

Is it a threat to my being in Kashmir, as I too am one of them.

I too decided that matter of resilience comes from the anger of questioning the system.is it the way to glorified people should work.

I have seen in many seminars that people throb their artistic way to undetermined coefficient of fame.

Why is it so ! Half of the people I knew back then either are artists now taking Kashmir as a path.

I have been jailed , beaten to pulp, death of a brother do I deserve to see people using them as a part of their boring life.

I don’t question the ideology I question the environment, where enormous number of agencies working to disturb the question of subjection.

What are we doing ! When I see small kids calling to the name of uprooting the occupation.

We are at a brim of a nuclear war and already going through a civil war, what more do we want now.

As told already there are unchained processes that hurrah our losses and earn weather by the blood drained.

Today , I have a concern will I be able to subject to this sustainable enivorment where everything I had is either left or separated because time collectively made it so.

Those pains created a emotionless fugitive with no aspects of limitless anger and pain.

Will this create someone that is actually me or is it I will add up to the burning flames and make it more difficult as there has came up a time across whole of valley where we need to understand that straight and unmarked answers are yet to be delivered

Repose to the best ! 

Everything is mixed

Today I turn back to my homeland briefing myself that its long gone inky hope can strive your name in her head.

While travelling in class used to the basic requirement but yet fortunately its not turning like old times.

Yet again I need to understand that these mixed feelings can be harmful more than last time, well future has got enough plans and these plans are to be required under an external thrust.

” back lived in the world when time was expensive and it was all about class but maybe tables have turned to the level of being simple ”

These words thrive a lot itself and where a broken heart , broken limb and stiched head make sense now

Bleeding to the future and it can turn fruitful, they say if it was real it has a habit of coming back as just she used to say unfinished business we precure.

Empty selflessness

It was the time of calling nothingness, who knew it will build something deep down dark and subject itself as selfness.

When I remember that time of her leather bag ,then to black color dress then blue sweater and high angle shoes.

Yeah I do remember that scroll stating the feelings and generalizing actual love.

Its actually on that repetition ,call it form of life phasing from worst to pious.

I crawl towards you with no beats left

Eyes beg to might ,only one sight

Accepting bowing down to you queen of angels as Despacito

Post recovery

Hence as lot many things changed after she left, discussion about life became necessary.

Either I had to pretend that what bleed wasn’t blood or it had to act as a catalyst for being a better man.

Let’s be composite in what we actually desire isn’t ours to call, may be that wasn’t the time of our love maybe ours is yet to come.

Distances may cool down her heart and maybe she could once again turn to the factor of trust, as she would never see me again and hear me again but who knows our story is written by greatest of writer.

Many words have lost their meaning in dictionary just because I can’t use words them any more and the realization from the other side is yet to come.

So its true ,that she needs to go to come back more like we.